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negharfonooni

Neghar Fonooni - Word Witch

Spiritual Advisor. Artist. Tarot reader. Athlete. Socially conscious 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍. Selenophile. Intersectional Feminist. Plant lady. Services + tip jar 👇🏽

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“I don’t need your To keep me warm at night I lit our bed on fire And consumed the the embers My rage is the flames My heart is the hearth” • —An excerpt from my forthcoming book, For All The Nights We Walked on Fire. It’s the book I started writing days after the man I thought I was going to grow old with walked out on me for no reason, with no warning, and without looking back. It’s the book I never thought I’d have to write. The book I wish I didn’t have to write. And it’s the book that has kept me tethered to myself these past few months of heartbreak. It wasn’t really a choice to write this book—or at least not one I could possibly refuse. I knew that in writing it, I would eventually (WILL eventually) heal myself, and I know that in healing ourselves we create space for others to heal as well. I can’t wait to share it with you, and I hope that it stirs you or comforts you or helps you feel seen in some kind of way. It’s the rawest thing I’ve ever written—a collection of poems and prose, a retelling of how two became one and shattered into two again. My friend @homerhomerhomer took some rad photos. There are text message conversations, secrets shared between two lovers, and later: venom, cruelty, silence. Erased. The funny thing about heartbreak is we feel so isolated, so lonely in our grief—yet it’s something that we all know too well. I hope that by sharing mine, it can make yours feel less alone. I’ll keep sharing little bits of it here with you, which is to say, little bits of me, as I empty my heart onto these pages. Thank you for giving me this space to do so 🙏🏽.

If you wanna be extra bored and watch me do the same thing over and over for 55 seconds, this if for you 🤣. Now, if you’re still here: Prior to this set I hadn’t done strict pull-ups in a few weeks, but I still smashed 23 reps—because guess what? EVERYTHING TRANSLATES. I’m not going to lose pull-up strength if I’m still doing movements that SUPPORT PULL-UP STRENGTH. When you work on your physical athleticism, it translates to your mindset. When you work on your mindset, it translates to your professional endeavors. When you work on your spiritual development, it translates to your relationships. And so on and so on until the end of time. None of this is a closed loop. Everything is connected. Let one bleed into the other. Let them flow into the same river. Let your many pursuits become the veins that carry everything back to the center of your being. It’s all happening, bb. One rep at a time.

The Countdown: I’m just 5 days away from my FIRST EVER CrossFit competition, @thecascadeclassic. It hasn’t actually hit me yet—I wonder if it ever will? • I’m so nervous that my stomach is in a perpetual knotted state. There are a great many layers to my nerves—from my limited CrossFit experience (I’ve only been doing this seriously since January), to my disc herniations, to seeing my ex and his new girlfriend he started seeing days after he bailed on me (and competing against her 🤣😭🔪💀). OH THE UNIVERSE. • Just showing up to this competition is one of the scariest things I can imagine doing, and that’s part of why I’m doing it. I could have declined the invitation after I qualified. I could have chosen to stay safe and small. I chose instead to walk directly into the fire, and I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. • If we can do the hard things, the scary things, the messy things, while knowing with total certainty that they will ONLY MAKE US STRONGER—well then shit, lets go, I right? I mean, at the end of the day, it’s just CrossFit. What matters most isn’t the leaderboard, it’s how we walk through the fire. • My intention for the weekend isn’t to win, and I have no expectations in terms of performance outside of just doing my best. • For me, this is about showing up and facing my fears. My plan is to have a good time, be kind to the people I’m competing against, and never finish a workout knowing I could have gone darker. “Cry a little die a little” is how I expect to get through the competition, but I plan to laugh and smile and shake it off, too. (Plus a lil salt 🧂 because who are we kidding). • Thank you to all of you who have encouraged me these past two months. I cannot even begin to tell you how much your energy, your words, and your kindness have meant to me. These have been hard times, and y’all have helped me stay sturdy. I appreciate you 🙏🏽. I’ll be taking you with me when I go to Seattle and I can’t wait to share the experience with you. xx, N

DESTRUCTION IS A FORM OF CREATION. Burn down every blade of grass, smash every rock to pieces. Grind the tenants into sand and pack that sand into a bottle. Cast the bottle out to sea. Say farewell to last year’s wishes, last night’s dreams. The land is clear now, fresh. No signs of pestilence, no stone unturned. The earth is supple, waiting for the seeds of your imagination. Destruction is never the end—it’s always the beginning.

Los Angeles, California

Queen Bey said it best: “Always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper”💰💅🏽💁🏽‍♀️🔪. Stay in your magic. Eyes on your own paper. Keep it steady. Keep it movin.’ Don’t let anyone pull you from your sacred motherfuckin’ path. 📷: @violetartistry

DEUCE Gym

This is the least my cleans have ever looked. I’m working out my kinks, focusing less on forcing bar contact and more on just jumping. I literally say to myself, “just jump, bitch!” 🤣 I’m being patient. I’m being kind to myself. Even just posting a video of cleans is a huge step for me because I’m usually low key embarrassed of how janky they are. This is also the most fun training has been in a long time—it’s this weird and wonderful combo of NOT THAT SERIOUS and pretty serious all at the same time. I’m smiling and laughing a lot during training. I’m not crying as much. I’m not worried about “disappointing my coach” because my coach is no longer a person who could be disappointed in me. My back feels good. I’m gaining weight again. My heart a little less with each beat. I’m eating 300 grams of carbs a day and still hungry for more. And I’m supported by some of the best people in this earthly realm. Things didn’t go the way I’d planned and that’s just kinda what the universe does. Universe doin universe things, you know? But we keep showing up, being sturdy, being salty, being soft, being sweet. We just keep pushing, one rep at a time. We just keep smiling, one day at a time.

I’ve created a lot of things over the years, but this one is probably the most special. Sturdy Girl is a motto/mindset/movement that is so close to my heart, and the support for this collection has been UNREAL. We sold out today y’all 😭—to the point where I literally gave the shirt off my back to one of my gym buddies 🤣. I’m totally blown away and fully hype on where this brand is going. There’s so much in the works, not just for Sturdy Girl but for @saltandsorcery as a whole. Thank you for joining me on this wild ride—for your salt, your sorcery, your support through every plot twist, every portal. I appreciate you. I’ll be restocking the store with shirts this week, so if you didn’t get yours, don’t trip. I’ve got you.

Heading into Monday like...IMMA FOCUS ON MY OWN SHIT AND NOT COMPARE MYSELF TO ANYONE BECAUSE WE ARE ALL JUST A LIL FUCKED UP ANYWAY 💁🏽‍♀️💅🏽✨. Who’s with me? + + +

Santa Monica, California

🔥ENDLESS SUMMER🔥 + + + 🏋🏽‍♀️ Lifted weights 👙 Went to the beach 🍔 Ate in n out burger 👭 Living the best life with the best people on the best coast for as long as I can until the universe decides to send me across the veil (just missing @farb.0 😭) + + +

DEUCE Gym

I’m not the best at weightlifting. I have some really obnoxious technique flaws that I’ve been working to fix—flaws that keep me from being able to lift what I’m actually capable of. I’m not the best at gymnastics, either. Walking on my hands is a constant struggle, bar muscle ups hate my guts. But god put something heavy on my shoulders and tell me to get it overhead and I’ll do it. With pleasure. Let these delts of doom do what they were born to do. We all have weaknesses. We all have strengths. I’m interested in working on my weaknesses AND celebrating my strengths. Yes, and. Am I the best athlete on the field? NOPE. But I out here having fun? Doing my best? Not taking this too seriously? You bet your I . And I also out here cheering on all the other womxn lifting next to me? OF COURSE. Because what’s the point of all of this, if not to have a good time? To lift each other up? To smash the patriarchy by showing them what the we can do? SEEN HERE: a very sturdy hobbit, performing “DT” — 6 rounds/105 lbs: 12 deadlifts, 9 hang power cleans, 6 shoulder to overhead, and then go yourself.

Happy Friday to everyone except people who use “love and light” to smooth over MESSY ASS ISSUES like racism, gun control, police brutality, mental health, immigration, homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, and gender inequality. I have zero interest in love and light if it doesn’t also come with a willingness to have the sticky icky conversations. As a collective, we have no use for your love and light if it doesn’t leave room for justified rage. “Love and light” and “we are all one people” are examples of spiritual byping, wherein spirituality is used to byp things that would otherwise be uncomfortable to face, process, and discuss. Spiritual byping is often used to negate the of oppressed and marginalized folks. Shit, I get it! This stuff is sticky, and it’s tough to discuss. It’s a lot easier to say we just “need more love” than it is to explore the shadows. But instead of using spirituality to skirt these topics, why not use our magic to help dismantle the very system that marginalizes and oppresses? Let’s use that love. Let’s use that light. And let’s use our rage, too. Let’s use our capacity to FIGHT. Besides, I’ve always been a salt + shadows kinda witch anyway 🧂🔮⚰️💀💁🏽‍♀️. + + + 📷: @violetartistry (BOOK HER!)

“I’m so proud of you,” I said to myself in the mirror this morning. I stared back at myself, face streaked with tears, hair a hot mess despite that satin bonnet I sleep with, wrapped in my favorite robe. Last nights dres left me feeling a little more tender around my hearts edges, a little more broken open than when I’d closed my eyes and laid my head to rest. Underneath it all I was naked—physically, emotionally, energetically—able to see myself fully in a rare, sincere moment. “I’m so proud of you because you have every reason to stop showing up, and you keep doing so anyway.” The Universe has written a lot of plot twists into my life, as it has yours, as it has ours. And here we are: Resilient. Resplendent. Ready for whatever comes next. I so proud of me, and I so proud of you. You have survived every struggle, climbed every hill, slayed every dragon. And you just. Keep. Showing. Up. I hope you’re proud of you, too. Tell me what makes you proud. Tell me something that you need to hear, from you, to you. 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 + + + #🧂 #🔮

The sun always comes out again. Maybe not when you’d like it to. Maybe on it’s own time, because no one owns the sun. The moon. The stars. The cosmos has it’s own agenda. But this much is certain: the sun will shine again, and it will shine on you—be ready for this. Be willing to accept it’s warmth, to receive it’s majesty. Don’t get so accustomed to the shadows that you can’t recognize the sun. + + + [Pictured: sunflowers from my sisters garden, pyrite for warmth/abundance/sacred masculine energy, and Hematoid Quartz from @everyday__magic that I’m still getting to know—but so far it feels like self worth, creativity, and radiance.]

DEUCE Gym

“It’s as heavy as it needs to be to make you strong.” -Syrio Forel, to Arya (Game of Thrones) What makes you feel STRONG? 💪🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 + + + 📷: @connerwanders

I wish I could tell you that it’s easy to get back up. That you’ll rise without question. That you’ll fight without falter. I wish I could tell you that showing up, even when you’re shattered, feels like a balm, smooth as neosporin, clean as a long, hot shower. But the truth is, getting back up . Sometimes it feels like jagged glass, protruding from open wounds, the sticky drip of your soul laid bare upon the earth. And sometimes it feels like gravity is working overtime, pulling you deeper into the core of this rock, down into the abyss of what was “supposed to be,” the void of broken promises. But you do it anyway. Even though it . Even when it’s hard, when it’s heavy. You show up, tear streaked face and aching bones. You show up, heart cautiously open, feet planted firmly on the earth, magic in your finger tips. Because you’re a sturdy girl—and that’s the sturdy girls do. + + + (STURDY GIRL LAUNCHES 9/9 🔥💪🏽)

THE STURDY GIRL STORY 2 years ago, during a weightlifting class, my then boyfriend and coach called me a Sturdy Girl. Everyone laughed, as did I, but I also beamed with pride. "Sturdy" was the nickname I never knew I wanted, and it's stuck ever since. In the aftermath of our ful and devastating breakup, I’ve chosen to keep the moniker, despite how it was acquired. My heart is broken, but it‘s in’ sturdy too—and I wasn't willing to let him take that from me. I believe we are always being asked to create magic from the ashes. When the Universe trolls us, it does so to help us tend to our own earth—to learn how to use our to plant life where there was once debris, to CREATE CREATE CREATE. If we ignore that call, I think that’s even more heartbreaking than the trauma itself. And so, that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been processing my into art, and I’m proud and excited to launch the first volume of the Sturdy Girl collection into reality, just in time for my very first CrossFit competition this month. The Universe in it's infinite trolling has asked me to be sturdy, both in and out of the gym, and I have obliged, time and time again. I will never stop, and I know you won't either. Being a Sturdy Girl means being resilient as . It's having the strength to be soft through the storm, and allowing it to you. Sturdy girls can feel and joy concurrently—they can be the rock and the water that flows through its cracks. Sturdy is a mindset. Sturdy is a mood. Sturdy is not about being strong all the time—it’s having the courage to show all the way up, no matter what. To keep your heart open. To trust. To receive. To allow your heart to break and know—deep in your bones—that you are pure ing MAGIC. The Sturdy Girl collection launches 9/9 at @saltandsorcery. The artwork is a collaborative effort between me and my graphic designer boo, @small_eats. For now, there will be limited styles, but this is JUST the beginning. I’m so hype to share this new venture with you, and I’m so grateful to you for being a part of the Sturdy Girl Squad. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your energy. Thank you for being STURDY.

Santa Monica Beach

Imagine *not* having the kind of friends who will talk mad about your ex with you—I mean, friends who will help you process your 🤣. Because the thing about healing is that ain’t linear, and you’re gonna need to talk about the same things...again and again and again. Wounds don’t follow a timeline, heartbreak doesn’t care about your schedule. Rage comes and goes and comes again. Sadness creeps in and creeps back out. There are laughs in between, tantrums here and there, and tears throughout. But the one thing that IS certain is the healing doesn’t happen if we don’t PROCESS. Hearts don’t rebuild if we don’t give them the space and attention to do so. Wounds don’t heal without balm, without gauze, without stitches. We can’t sweep it under a rug, crumple it up and seal it in a bottle, cast that bottle into an endless sea and hope it never comes back to haunt us. We have to face it. We have to fight. We have to peel back the layers and deal with all the sticky stuff underneath. And having friends to talk with doesn’t hurt either 😉.

Sawtelle, Los Angeles

Happy Friday to everyone out there smiling and laughing despite their aching bones and broken hearts—to the ones who keep it pushin’ even as the world pushes against them, to those who create magic from the ashes and refuse to let their challenges destroy them. To those with salt in their wounds and daggers in their eyes, who keep on keepin’ on, for the sake of their soul alchemy. I see you. I feel you. We’ve got this. 💅🏽🧂🔪🔮 + + + 📷: @violetartistry

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