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chefjacqueslamerde

small portions | tweezered everything | chefjacqueslamerde@gmail.com

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OH GOD ITS THE LONG WEEKEND AND WE R RUNNIN AROUND TRYIN TO SOURCE A VERY SPECIFIC TYPE OF PASTA EXTRUDER BC JOSE THOT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO TRY N RUN A BUNCH OF MCGRIDDLES SANDWICHES THRU THE MACHINE AND UNFORTUNATELY OUR IMPERIA COULD NOT HANDLE THAT DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT WAS, OBJECTIVELY A PRETTY GOOD CONCEPT FOR A WHIMSICAL BRUNCH SPEC!!!!!! SOOOOOO I AM DOWN A MACHINE BUT WE R STILL GOING TO RUN THIS TIGHT HANDROLLED GNOCCHI MADE FROM MCCAINS SMILES, WITH KEWPIE MAYO, TERIAKI TURKY JERKY, DAVIDS JASMIN TEA, HICKORY STICK SOIL AND THEN ALSO SOME TINY LEAFS!!!! THIS DISH IS EARTHY AND THOUGHTFUL BUT ALSO U KNO WUT IT IS JUST RLLY PRETTY TO LOOK AT AND THAT COUNTS FOR A LOT!!!!

BEEN WERKIN XTRA HARD ON OUR NEW SPRING MENU BROS!!!! RLLY TRYIN TO INCORPORATE ALL THE NEW TRENDS, MOSTLY IN THE SAME DISH + CRANK OUT ALL OUR CONCEPTUALIZATIONS BEFORE HEIRLOOM CELERY SZN HITS AND OUR ROOFTOP GARDEN COMES IN 2 MAX BLOSSUM PHAZE!!!! THIS IS SUMTHIN WE'VE BEEN TINKERANG W/ NATURE VALLEY PEANUT BUTTER GRANOLA CUPS, INSTANT CHOCOLATE PUDDIN COULIS, TARTAR OF BONBONS, ADORABLE HIBISCUS MERINGUES, 1% CHOCOLATE MILK FLUID GEL, MILK CHOCOLATE ASH CHAR, TINY LEAFS FROM THE JANSAL VALLEY AND OF COURSE, ROSE WATER SENTIMENTS!!!!!! YASSSSS!!!!!

MAN DOES THAT THING EVER HAPPUN TO U WHERE UR TRYIN TO TWEEZE SUNMAID RAISINS AND ITS V HARD TO BE PRECISE BECUZ THEY ARE KIND OF STICKY AND THEN YOU HAVE TO SORT OF WIGGLE ALL OVER TO GET THEM OFF?!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2 ALL MY BROS!!! HOPE EVERYONE GETS A NITE OFF W/ FAMILY + FRIENDS. THE ONLY THING I CONTRIBUTED TO THIS MEAL WAS EGGSPERTLY DECORATING OUR TORTIERE!!! YASSSSS 🎄🎄🎄🎄

YIIIIKES BROS JUST GOT SUM FRESH INK DRILLD AND A BRAND NEW PRIMAL PORK CUTS TATTOO OVER MOST OF MY ARM AND A GOOD 38% OF MY RIGHT HAND. IM HAVIN TO TWEEZE ALL LEFTY AND ALSO I PUT COCONUT OIL JUST ABOUT EVERYWHERE BECUZ ITS SUPPOSED TO HELP U HEEL BUT IT FELT SO GOOD WHEN I RUBBED IT IN I JUST KEPT GOIN. I CANT HOLD ON2 ANYTHING XCEPT MY SOIGNÉ CRED!!! FT SPEC 2NITE IS INSPIRED BY THE MANY FEELINS OF DAIRY!!! SMOKING GUN SMOKED VIENNA SAUSAGES PILLOWED IN EZ CHEEZUS, HAND TIED STRING CHEEZE KNOTS, GREEN GOLDFISH TYPE DEALS, LATE HARVEST ZESTY CHEESE DORITOS AND MICRO GRATED CHEESEY POUFFZ!!!! TINY VEGETABLES FROM SAN DIEGO!!!!! COCO SCENTD FISTBUMPS TO ALL MY BROS WHO STOPPED BY THIS W\E!!!!!

FRIDAY NITE BROS!!!! U KNOW WUT THAT MEANS!!!! HALF PRICES GOLDSCHLAGER AND TAB COCKTAILS AND THE AC, THE BTO AND THE OMG FACTOR WILL ALL BE NEXXXXXT LEVEL!!!!! YASSSS!!!! 2NITES SPEC IS A BRO-MAGE TO JOSE'S FAVORITE SUMMER FOOD!!!! CRINKLE CUT OSCAR MAYER WEINERS, RIPPED UP BUN CHUNKS, CELERY SALT, 2 CHILI THREADS, TINY ONIONS CUT LENGTHWISE AND THEN YELLO FOODS 2 WAYS!!!! YASSSSSS!!!!

IF U LOVE ALTRUISM AND FRUITOPIA U BETTER COME HANG OUT W/ ME AN JOSE 2NITE!!!! WE R BRINGIN BACK OUR @RED SPEC FT. RIPPED UP BITS OF RED VELVET CUPCAKE, STRAWBERRY MILK SPHERES, FRUITY PEPPLE SOIL, FRUIT BY THE FOOT SCRUNCHIES, MARASHEENO CHERRYS AND SOME OTHER STUFF!!! HEAD OVER TO RED.ORG 2 SEE HOW U CAN GET INVOLVED AND WHERE ULL FIND US NEXT!!!! YAAASSSS!!!!

LEFT JOSE TO MAKE CRABCAKES 2DAY AND THINGS DID NOT GO WELL BROS!!! I CAME BACK FROM THE BIG Y TO FIND HIM FROSTIN A TRIPLE LAYER, GENOISE + CHANTILLY FILLED "CRAB CAKE"!!!! THERE WERE BACHELOR BUTTONS AND CHIVE FLOWERS EVERYWHERE AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE HAD TO USE ALL MY EDIBLE GLITTER!!!! WE MANAGED TO SAVE SOME MISE, AND WHILE HES STILL MAD AT ME FOR REJECTIN HIS CONCEPT (AND CALLIN HIM AMELIA BEDELIA) WE R RUNNIN THIS SPEC WHICH IS A VACHON BILLOT LOG OVER BOYSON BERRY YOGURT W/ SLAPS OF ORANGE SNACKPACK, LIKORISH TWO WAYS, COOLWHIP PARAPHEPHENALIA, BANANA NERDS AND THEN SOME CRUSHED UP CHOLATE TEDDY GRAHAMS!!!!!

YASSSSS PATIO SZN MEANS WE R RLLY GETTIN FOCUSSED GUYS ON FOODS U COOK OVER 🔥🔥🔥. IT TAKES A LOT OF TIME AND THEN JUST PERSPICACITY TO DO IT WELL, BUT RN OUR SPEC IS STRATE FUEGO SO U SHOULD GET DOWN HERE BEFORE WE RUN OUT AND/OR WE HAVE TOO MANY GREEN APPLE SMIRNOFF ICES AND CAN NO LONGER EXECUTE AT A HIGH LEVEL!!!! THIS IS A PREMOULDED RIBLET SANDWICH WE GOT FRZN AT THE GAS STATION, COVERED IN HAND TORN CHUNKS OF CHEDDAR BABYBELL, @lynda_p's COCKTAIL ONIONS, FANCY MOSS AND THEN ALSO DEHYDRATED KRAFT SINGLE TUILES!!!!

Richmond, Virginia

WHEN U HAVE SOIGNÉ INGREDIENTS, U RLLY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO JUST LET THAT FOOD SPEAK 2 UR GUESTS MOUTH FOR U. U MITE NEED TO ADD A BIT OF FANCY MOSS, OR MAYBE A LITTLE ASH BUT IN GENERAL U JUST NEED SOME TWEEZERS AND A LITTLE RESTRAINT!!!! JOSE AND I CREATED THIS DISH AROUND SOME PRETTY ELITE FISH WE GOT IMPORTED FROM SWEDEN!!!! WE MADE A SIMPLE CEVICHE OUT OF THESE *SWEDISH FISH* USING SOME OF THAT GREEN MEXICAN GATORADE, AND THEN ADDED LTD EDITION BANANA BERRY MINIONS CEREAL, SOME MINI EGGS AND JUST KIND OF SORTED IT ON A PUDDLE OF FROSTIN WE MADE BLUE BECAUSE CONCEPTUALLY IT MADE A RESONATION W/ US!!!!! FUN DIP POWDER BRO DUST!!!!!

VIVA L'EYETALIA!!!! OUR SPEC 2NITE FT. 1/3 OF A CAN OF  CHEF BOYARDEE JUMBO SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS MOUNDED INTO A SORT OF PILE AND THEN TOPPED W/ SHARDS OF OLD EL PASO STAND N' STUFF TACO SHELLS!!!! ALSO THERE IS ANOTHER MEATBALL PLACED AWAY FROM THE PILE FOR VISUAL INTEREST!!!! TBH I WANTED TO HAVE 2 MEATBALLS OVER THERE, BUT THERE WERE ONLY 4 IN THE CAN AND I ACTUALLY ATE 2 DURING THE PLATING SO I KIND OF SANDBAGGED MYSELF BUT I WAS PRETTY HUNGRY SO I DON'T REGRET IT!!!!!!    🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪

HITTIN ALL THE BEST SITUATIONS RN BROS!!!! CHOCOLATE CREMEUX, KIND OF MELTY INSTANT COFFEE ICE CREAM, DONUT GLAZE, WHIPPED CREAM, MAYNARDS SWEDISH BERRIES CANDY, TINY LEAFS AND YASSS YASSS YASSS OREOS THINS!!!!!

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