(Happy Thanksgiving Eve!) As I found myself walking through @vanderbiltu’s #campustoday, I felt all kinds of things: #Nostalgia, #longing...and glorious #freedomfrom dorm life (and ultimately a profound sadness that there is no adult #mealplan. We must fend for ourselves without #munchiemartsand #fourthmeal.) But the main sense was how lonely it was to spend Thanksgiving breaks on such a beautiful campus, away from the former hometown—only a few hours away—that just never felt like #homefor all kinds of reasons. On one hand, I’ll always be grateful that I had a #refugeof very functional, if not expensive, sorts, when so many didn’t and don’t; however, as a person living with #depression, there’s a lot of ambivalence in those #memoriestoo. I used to blame the campus and the school for all the pain that I felt, but I see now that I would’ve felt that anywhere, because it was just something that I had to go through. I may never know why on this side of things. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not a perfect place, and in many ways, the wrong one for me. But...it is such a beautiful place, with luscious trees turning into every color possible from the autumnal palette, and in a way, it was the right place because it was the place where i was, with all the lessons i learned and tears that I shed. No matter how I feel about anything or anyone else there from my past, Vanderbilt will always be a place of beginnings for me as well, even among the losses. Tonight, as I sit in my own bed, with a fridge full of food ready to be heated through tomorrow for Thanksgiving (so much for the “I’ll just order Chinese” plan), I think I’m actually a little more grateful for what it was and wasn’t than I used to be. That’s something. It really is. “I don’t want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.”
#CarrieFisher #wishfuldrinking #art #life #reflection #thanksgivingeve
What places still haunt you and heal you on your journey?